Monday, September 24, 2012

Changes

As of last week, we offically have a walker on our hands! Our little boy has grown up so fast that its hard to think the just a little under a year ago he came speeding into our life's. As I sit and watch him, concentrating on taking those steps, finding his balance and putting one foot in front of the other, I can't help but be sad. Sad that it goes by so fast. Sad that this is my last baby. Sad that I'm sad.
I am sure one happy Momma and proud of my kids, but sometimes I'm just sad.
Watching my kids play together, growl at eachother, chase eachother, I am filled with a love that can't be truly explained or felt until you are in that place.
I struggle a lot with myself, if I am raising my kids the best, if I am teaching them enough, if they are learning enough, staying on track, not falling behind, going to be successful, have a happy life, look back and have good memories of their childhood.
Am I a good mother? What about a wife? My husband works so hard for us. I know he struggles at times with the burden of supporting our family. Would like to sit back and relax. I have a degree. A few actually. I have applied for a few jobs here this last year, with no luck. Sucks, when my husband is in depand for work. Other companies are seeking him out, yet I get one, two interviews and then dead end. Road block. I have worked a whole 1 year of my life. Thats it. McDonalds. It was a good year. Worked with my schooling and activities. Paid my bills, gas and got me started out the door. But he has supported my every thing ever since. Sure I worked my tush off getting grants, scholarships and such that my schooling is paid for and done! Not many can say that with the work I have done.
I budget carefully our expenses. My needs, wants and necessities always come last. Kids first, husband second, house, then me. But thats ok with me. Just some times, I feel I don't contribute enough to the family.
Sure I get the kids up, bills out, house taken care of and food made, schooling, sports. But really is that enough?
I could use some sleep, some exercise, lose a a few pounds or 50, but I try my best. I hope I am doing alright. I hope I am a good mom and wife. More from me later.

2 comments:

Crystal, Sterling and the Kids said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you guys, big hugs :)

travelingthenarrowroad said...

Awww, sweet Cassandra, you're beautiful, inside and out. Sometimes what we, as mamas, offer has a price tag; maid, cook, taxi driver, shrink, accountant, nurse (ok, so the list could go on); we put in overtime, nights, and week ends, but ultimately what we offer is priceless; unconditional love. Your role as wife and mom is an amazing gift; cherish it, value it, and most importantly honor it. God will give you a job if He so wishes; maybe this is your season to shine in a different way. Husbands don't need more money (cept by the worlds standards) to ease their lives; they need a wife that encourages, listens, blesses, and loves them. A wife that feels content with the simplest of things because she knows she is provided for.
Hope to connect more with you now that life is settling again; missing that whole baby journey *sigh* Love you, Sheri